Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You are a genius and a whore.
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