I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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