Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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