Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
