she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
