I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
