he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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