i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
