You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
