Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
