he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
