so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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