If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
