I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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