Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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