i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
