I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My bed smells like the plague
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
