worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
