i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
