And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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