you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You are a genius and a whore.
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