New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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