Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can I color on your dick again?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
