Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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