yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
