piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
