you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
