i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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