the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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