hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
