As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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