I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
