I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
