Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You need a sexual gate keeper
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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