I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
