Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
