Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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