in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
