I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
