new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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