How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
