i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
