enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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