The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
