then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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