Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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