I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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