I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i think i have two assholes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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