dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is wine microwaveable?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
