you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
