He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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