If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He passed out mid-signature
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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