is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
