I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
