508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
